I have this vivid memory, I'm guessing from my early teens, standing in my doctor's waiting room. I had a cold or maybe a flu. I don't even remember if that's why I was there. All I remember is the lady at the front desk saying "Are you feeling sick? You'll have to put this on."
She handed me a surgical mask from the box on the counter before diving back into her administrative labyrinth. I mumbled something with that odd, patchy confidence teens have, something like "Oh, I don't need that." I hooked on the mask without unfolding the accordion front, wandered over to a chair, and slipped it off.
Of course I should've been wearing a mask, but it was from another world. Dentists wore those masks, or maybe the characters on House, but only to emphasize that the stakes had risen so dramatically they eclipsed the expectation of delivering the actors faces (or to telegraph hypochondria). If I'd seen anyone else taking such precautions, they probably weren't young like me, white like me, or quite so foolish as me.
("The Germans have been defeated / but the [Spanish] flu has not", "Mask up / one and all / try it and you'll love it")
Six years ago, the world briefly shuddered under a mass effort to save many lives. Many did die, but many were likely saved, though frightened, desperate, or bored.
I'm lucky that I fell in with a few who took extra care to protect themselves, even when the the catastrophe of plague was overtaken by the catastrophe of stagnant profits and public health threw in the towel. I'm unlucky that I get to watch how most around me were simply not ready for the present situation and have been comprehensively manipulated into abandoning themselves under the guise of abandoning others.
A series of surveys in late 2020 suggested that, among white folk...
[T]hose who perceived COVID-19 racial disparities to be greater reported reduced fear of COVID-19, which predicted reduced support for COVID-19 safety precautions.
and
Reading about the persistent inequalities that produced COVID-19 racial disparities reduced fear of COVID-19, empathy for those vulnerable to COVID-19, and support for safety precautions.¹
The euphemistic refrain that some people are at higher risk of more severe disease or outcomes from COVID-19 infection than others was twisted into grounds on which the pandemic could be declared not-worth-your-attention; If an airborne enemy is only of concern to those already disadvantaged, then surely it needn't concern you. And so, in 2026, Long COVID may well be the most common chronic illness in american children and, no doubt by coincidence, fascism is back in fashion. ² ³
Our health is not profitable or reassuring, so much of this world's late-stage machinery smiles at the part of us saying something like "oh, I don't need that." Six years is not a long time, and though infections are slowly decreasing, I fear history will make fools of us yet.
There are places where I've realized there's no just reason for me not to be wearing a mask -- transit, stores, and the other city crowds -- that's a decision I can make for my benefit, in the same aersenal as sunscreen, scarves, and earplugs. But there are still places my better judgement gets a run for its money.
I don't mask when meeting landlords or attending job interviews, but those moments of material vulnerability are an exception. No, I'm on the internet writing about my feelings, the squishy moments when it'd be so much nicer to pretend my world hasn't been so out of order since before i was born, the moments where my anxieties would gleefully latch onto being the only one in a room wearing a mask.
So I try to make a show of it. I buy colorful masks I can coordinate with my outfits, as if to broadcast that my priorities are enticingly out of order, that I'm slightly too compelling to be a reflection of frightened, desperate, and bored times. That's gotten me far enough to see more and more who would rather live up to the stakes than deliver their faces, and together I feel we start seeing how a better world emerges. I'd like to consider what follows a trivial contribution to that world, an accessory to bolster confidence and inject pleasure, a shiny trinket for when better judgement is supplanted.
You see, I'm switching to a more breathable, better fitting, less expensive brand of KN95, but it only comes in three colours (and still I'm on the fence about one of them). What if there were swappable, customizable cosmetic skins for masks that didn't reduce their effectiveness or safety? What if I kept some control over how I stand out?
I've put together a not-too-messy FreeCAD template that takes in three measurements from a tri-fold respirator and spits out a frame I can fill with custom lattice-like designs! These can be durably 3D printed and easily attached without any tools or adhesive. Eye-catching yet elegant cosmetics skins for every occasion. They also help a little to keep my masks from crumpling when I'm not wearing it, but no guarantees there.
The first major challenge was keeping the skin on the mask; I figured any glue or modifications could easily compromise it, so I wanted a printable solution. I tried little hooks and ledges, but these were brittle and didn't work that well anyway. I'd set the project aside for a few months, only picking it up recently when I switched masks.
I worked out the frame as it is now, with a slit at each end for the edges of the mask to tuck into. This keeps everything on the same print layer so it's much sturdier, but it means the skins aren't compatible with some headstrap N95s (specifically the ones where the strap attaches on the outside of the mask). Hopefully someone can solve this at some point.
Once that was sorted, turns out I'd totally misjudged how much detail to put into the designs; the first few came out as dense, noisy slabs of plastic. I redid them all with thinner lines and more negative space -- easier to read at a greater distance. Some designs came out better than others, but that means some come out pretty dang good. Hopefully the wrist pain is worth it.
Here are some of my successes so far, modelled by Mae the seal (ignore the floppy earloops -- she doesn't have pinnae):
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Seigaiha: You probably recognized this popular wagara (Japanese pattern) symbolizing the ocean. It came from Persia through China, according to the internet.
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Hexagons: A friend suggested I look into jali, a feature in Indo-Islamic architecture that offers a rich variety of compatible designs, though the word seems to have genericized a bit online to cover pretty much any screen pattern, such as...
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Circles: I've found this pattern in both jali and wagara collections. *Something aniconic yearning something human experience.* Not sure what else to write but it sure is pretty.
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Butterflies: Give your eyes a moment and you should see them. This one's based on some kind of paving stone mold. Getting everything aligned was arduous, but it also has the most of me in it because of that. I like the happy accident of two full circles of wings looking like filter connectors.
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So what now? I plan on adapting more patterns for sure. I'd like to share these if people are interested, but I'm not sure what that looks like yet.
I have access to a high-precision 3D printer for the next couple months, so I can affordably print more. They're perfect to ship via letter envelope; I could print and send for money or free or both. The big work would be adjusting the frame to fit a few common mask models, writing up some user instructions, and marketing some kind of storefront.
I could also share the files, maybe host them here? For that I'd have to clean them up a bit, write some documentation, and figure out licensing. That said, the model is very straightforward; I think anyone with some CAD experience could put it together with a few notes (which I'd also have to write).
I hope some or all of these things come to pass, but for now I'll be glad to have finally finished this post. I'm attaching an email to this blog if you've any ideas. Regardless, thanks for reading and take care out there.
¹Social Science & Medicine: Highlighting COVID-19 racial disparities can reduce support for safety precautions among White U.S. residents
²JAMA Pediatrics: Long COVID in Young Children, School-Aged Children, and Teens
³google trends, editorial rhetoric, and well... *Gestures vaguely at everything.*